Today was Henry's Celebration. I contemplated all week about going...should I/should I not. In the end I went. I didn't know if I could do it...was I strong enough to go? I felt better that I went with a work colleague. I couldn't help but think this morning that when I was getting dressed at the same time Henry's mom Jessica was probably doing the same but her life has been forever changed. I didn't know what to expect and when we arrived, the place was beautiful. I love old brick buildings so picture yourself sitting inside an all brick room inside with some twinkling Christmas lights and some exposed lightbulb type lighting (which I love). We took a seat and the celebration began.
The pastor of the church greeted us. He said that during the celebration we will have a time to mourn, and that mourning is good. He also said that we will have other emotions too- joy and happiness. Then there was music...which was emotional all in itself. There is something about a man and a guitar. It was beautiful. Then there was a slideshow all about Henry. There was tears, happiness, and lots of laughter. Henry's laughter was contagious...it was a full belly laugh and absolutely precious. After the slideshow there was a message from Greg Boyd. He had some key points about God and how God only does good things and not to punish God for bad things that happen. He also helped with that lingering question of Why? Why Henry? Why us? Why do bad things happen to good people? That there is no real answer to the why and that God is loving and will always love us. Then the celebration closed with the guitar singer which was again beautiful. He closed with the song "While I'm Waiting" which if you have seen the movie Fireproof it is in there. I also listened to this song A LOT while I patiently waited to get pregnant after we miscarried. I am surprised the cd still plays in my car but it does.
But in the end it was a beautiful ceremony and a great way to celebrate such a special boy. He has left many impression on peoples' hearts.
As I left today and felt how cold it was outside...I said to myself wouldn't it be something that if it started snowing, I am sure Henry would love to see some snow. And wouldn't you know it...it snowed. Just a tiny bit but it did! It disappeared as quick as it came....but it was there.
Below is a letter Jessica wrote to Henry a few weeks ago that I have held off on sharing but it shows the love and amazing bond between them. What an amazing family they are.
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Henry’s Story, by Jessica
“A tree falls the way it leans,” at least according to our son’s favorite movie, The Lorax.
The ax fell on September 21st. My husband and I took our vibrant,
amazing, 4-year-old son to the ER due to symptoms of trembling and
fatigue. Hours later we learned he had a brain tumor. Two weeks later
he’d had major brain surgery, several additional procedures, and the
diagnosis was in – the tumor was massive, malignant, and highly
aggressive.
Reflecting back on that haze of terror, I’m glad we weren’t leaning
into our old picture of God. There was a time we’d both pictured God as
all-controlling, willing life to unfold according to a mysterious
blueprint. We’d been told to thank God for EVERYTHING, even events that
seemed evil. After all, the trials in life are sent to teach us, right?
And this was the trial of a lifetime. After 28 days in the hospital,
we brought Henry home with hospice care. There were a few weeks of
strength, celebrating life, and hope of a miraculous healing. Then the
symptoms worsened, our hearts sank, and on December 16th, we called out
to Jesus while Henry took his last breath.
After all, it was Jesus we’d been leaning on. In the two years
preceding Henry’s diagnosis we’d devoured books like “Is God to Blame?”
and absorbed hundreds of Dr. Boyd’s podcasts. We’d found a beautiful,
plausible alternative – a renewed picture of God!
On the night Henry died, we fell safely into the loving arms of a God whose character was epitomized on Calvary.
The following is a letter I wrote to our son upon his passing. I pray
it blesses you, and inspires you to evaluate which way you lean. God
Bless.
Our Precious Henry,
Several years ago we were living in a tiny apartment. Daddy was
at work and I took a test. I’d taken pregnancy tests before but this was
different – this one showed TWO lines! At that moment I was struck by
the symbolism – a line for me, and a line representing the life I was
now responsible for, the life I’d cherish and enjoy the rest of my days.
That was my plan. I believe it was God’s plan too.
Enjoying your first two years was more…. more everything than
your dad and I thought it would be. More difficult, more rewarding,
more painful, more joyful, more tiring and more exhilarating than we
ever suspected parenthood would be.
Your sweet cackling laugh always compelled us to laugh along,
your big blue eyes could change our made-up minds. We were continuously
blown away by your creativity, industriousness, intelligence, and
coordination. We speculated that you’d be an engineer or a surgeon or do
something to maximize your incredible potential. That was our plan. We
believe it was God’s plan too.
When Miri came along we so enjoyed seeing the two of you
interact. Your gentle hugs and kisses, the way you’d giggle and chase
each other, even your single-word arguments over whether a particular
food was “tasty!” or “wummy!” Her look of adoration stuck from the
moment she met you, and when you nicknamed her your “Best-Friend Miwi,”
we knew you two would enjoy a life-long friendship. That was our plan.
We believe it was God’s plan too.
The year preceding your earthly death was difficult. We tried
and tried but couldn’t understand the challenges you faced and
presented. We had no knowledge of this vicious disease, but learned
about grace, forgiveness, patience, and perseverance during this time.
We still giggled, still played, still worked, but it wasn’t until your
body began to show outward signs that we began to grasp the source of
affliction.
When we learned of your brain tumor we prayed. Thousands prayed.
We demanded in prayer, we begged in prayer, we took authority in
prayer, we took personal inventories and confessed our shortcomings in
prayer, we gathered with groups in prayer, and wept silently, alone in
prayer.
We did everything we could think of to strengthen our prayers –
prayers for a miraculous healing. A miraculous healing was our plan, and
we believe that once you became sick, it became God’s plan too.
So many are quick to sign God’s name to your vicious disease, to
your suffering, to your death. In the Old Testament, Job attributed
his suffering to God too, but after God confronted Job on his lack of
understanding about the complexity of the universe, Job repented,
admitting he’d spoken of things he did not know (Job 42:3).
Your dad and I also do not know. We do not know why it was you
that suffered and died so young. We do not know why the prayers of
thousands did not prevail. We just do. not. know.
But some things we do know. We know there is much going on
behind the scenes of this fallen world, a world tremendously influenced
by God’s powerful adversary. We know that spiritual warfare invades our
lives, and often leaves devastation in its wake.
We also know, according to Hebrews 1:3, that Jesus is the
radiance of God’s glory and the EXACT representation of God’s being. We
know that this exact representation of God, Jesus Christ, came to give
life, and life more abundantly. So we know your pain, your death, did
not come from God, but from an evil place. And we know one most crucial
thing – we know how to fight back.
We will fight with… surrender. We choose to surrender the
anger, the despair, and defeat we feel. We lay these feelings at the
feet of Jesus, to whom the battle belongs.
We know how he fought for us – with complete self-sacrifice. In
fact, that sacrifice is our assurance that we’ll see you again.
So we will instead strive to use our energies to be generous to
those who could never repay, to be gentle to those who don’t make it
easy, to pour into the lives of those who hurt, and to, one act at a
time, spread the liberating love of Christ.
We’ll fail at times, but we pledge to live this way, to honor
you, Henry, and to honor the One who now gently holds your small hand.
That’s our plan. And living a life that loves sacrificially, well,
that’s always God’s plan too.
Sweet boy, we miss you with every breath, but we’ll all be
together before you know it, celebrating the ultimate victory of love.
Until then Precious One, all our love.
Mom & Dad
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