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Being a full time working mom is hard. I think it is difficult doing it with one child and I give mad credit to the moms who do it with more than one child- you are a superhero to me. Being a full time working teacher mom is also very difficult.
The morning starts with a drop off at Olivia's daycare to her morning before Pre-K care. She isn't the only one there, but I feel the mom guilt every day when I drop her off. I pass by the same moms and dads every morning who are doing just the same. I am not sure if they feel as guilty as I do dropping off their child, but I see something in their face, it is a bond we share, like a secret club and a high five, we can do it. I then zoom to work in 12 minutes or less and pray that I don't get stuck in the traffic of the high school and get to school on time. Then for 8+ hours, I try to turn off wife and mom, and be teacher and mom to 26 precious second graders. I literally never get to sit, answer an email in complete coherent sentences, and maybe get a split second to go to the bathroom while zooming to a meeting. Then it is the same 12 minute drive to pick my sweet girl up and turn back on wife and mom. I can't get there fast enough some days. I get 24 minutes, maybe to myself during the day which is driving my car. I can't text you, or call because there is a quiet moment that I need as I transform myself to the next person. Once we get home it is dinner, sometime dance or gymnastics which give me some time to grade my papers, and getting to bed. Finally after 9 pm, when that sweet girl is in bed, I finish my school work, pack lunches, and get ready for the new day.
Since the summer I let the blog slip, and lots of other things too, because of time...I need more of it. So I tried to explain to some friends that I needed some grace- for not being the friend I could and should be and some patience while I tried to figure out 26 hours in 24 hours, but all I got was left alone. I was being honest from my heart, and all that has happened was that my heart got hurt. Yes we are busy in this season of our life with life in general. I don't feel guilty about it because I know His grace covers me, that is all I know and need. I asked for grace and all I got was left alone and a snarky post on Facebook about what grace means...I guess I didn't know the true definition.
Sometimes life is just messy or we are just busy with life, but God meets us in our mess. Life is messy and it is never perfect. I like to say I am and my life is imperfectly perfect. At 36 years old, I am the person that I am because of all the mess that I have created and been through. But when a mom is waving a white flag and asks for grace, give it, without question, and ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Throw a life raft and help try to save me just for a bit, don't walk away and leave me alone, that didn't help either and made my heart hurt.
It is 11:07, I took a time out for me to write this. Now to make my lunch and get ready for tomorrow, and go to bed. Looking forward to my grace being refilled tomorrow morning.
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