Blessing in Disguise

There are times I am fine talking about being a family of 3 and there are definitely times when I get flooded with emotion talking about it.  It is a struggle and a process of letting go.  As I quickly perused Facebook while cooking ravioli for dinner this post came up that I noted to read later...when I could actually read...the link below is to blog post to read on the MOD squad page

http://mothersofdaughters.com/blessing-in-disguise/



Probably the best part is the ending:

But being the mom of an only child didn’t start out as a blessing. Every baby shower was pure torture for a long time. I hated Babies-R-Us and rushed out of there right after buying a gift card. I didn’t want to have to shop the aisles looking at all the adorable baby stuff I’d never again use. Self-pity clawed at me, reminding me Who was really to blame. Or so I thought.
God, in His wisdom, taught me huge life lessons by not giving me my hearts desire.

Sometimes a hard diagnosis and a hard truth turns into a big blessing.

It may come disguised as tragedy or loss but in time and with perspective, the dark edges turn clear and what started out as a clenched fist of loss turns into God’s open hand of blessing.

It just doesn’t always look like it at first. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could have written some of those words myself...or maybe the author just knew I needed to read this today...Thank you Kate Battistelli for taking the words right out of my mouth...this mommy of one needed to read this to know that I am not the only one who struggles with this. 

Have I given up? Being a Family of 3

I have gotten this question and No more babies? in the past few weeks after posting baby items for sale.  It is not something that you shout out loud or wear on your shirt.  In fact, it is at times painful, more painful than ripping off a band-aid.  At times it is hard to talk about and even write about. I have been pretty proud of myself for not crying the past few times I told someone.  It is difficult when you really want something to be and it just can't.  But let me rephrase it...given up...no...let go...yes.

When you are constantly consumed with a struggle like getting pregnant it gets to a point where it is unhealthy and all consuming.  Plus with the genetic factors of us both being carriers of Cystic Fibrosis, and my problems with getting pregnant, the struggle outweighed the opportunities.  If we were millionaires, life could be different with choices of IVF with genetic embryo testing...but even that isn't a guarantee or like everyone suggests...adopt! Adopting is more than going to a grocery store and picking a kid off the shelf..it doesn't work that way.  All that being said...we are going to be staying a family of 3.

As painful as it is at times, there are many blessings in all of this.  God's plan is for us to be a family of 3 and enjoy the life he has planned for us.  We are truly blessed to have Olivia and she is such a funny and spunky little girl.

So right now let go with me like this dandelion, who seeds will blow away to grow into a new flower.  Life goes on and I know it will be ok as hard as it is to say and feel, but I need to trust this journey and season of life.

For Olivia one day... we are truly blessed to have you in our life.  We love you to the moon and back!

And on a funny note..

Our family of 3....so blessed!