Explaining this to a 2 year old, strong and embarrassed

Probably the one person that has really had a hard time with mommy out of commission is Olivia.  I feel awful for her.  I know her poor heart just breaks when I say that I can't do this or play that and that I need to rest.  She has even told me a few times to go take a rest.  But she has adapted well though with all the changes.  She actually goes to bed better and takes a nap longer for Brendon! I don't know what his trick is! But it is pretty magical.  There is a little whiny-ness here and there from her but overall she has been pretty good.  I feel awful that I can't scoop her up and carry her...she has settled for holding my hand and walking with her.  But she has tried taking care of me too! One day we will look back on this time and explain things to her.

At times today I felt really good and other times a little bit on the awful side.  I felt pretty pukey before dinner and now feel a bit crampy.  I am hoping and praying my blood work goes good tomorrow morning even though I expect a rise in my numbers which seems to be the trend with the Methotrexate and that is why I need to have blood work done again on Wednesday.  I am really hoping to go back to work on Tuesday but we will have to see how I feel.

I am really trying to stay strong and not crumble.  Again thank you for all your prayers and support.  It truly means a lot.  Even though at the same time I feel embarrassed at times.  I am embarrassed because this is happening again.  It was bad enough to experience a late miscarriage in 2009 but to have something else happen like this happen again it makes me embarrassed.  At times I feel like my body is a hot mess and it makes me embarrassed and at times a bit self-conscious about myself and how everything always has to be so complicated with it.  I know I am beating myself up right now but that is how I feel.  I know I need to accept this body and all that goes along with it...the good and the bad. So tomorrow I am going to try to smile and try to feel better.