Having it All ?!?

This past weekend I read a good article in the AJC Metro Atlanta Women Balance Work, Life Different Ways (I suggest you read it before you keep reading this post- click on the link).  I had to do some back tracking to read the article by Anne-Marie Slaughter.  But I have to say this weighed heavy on my mind today as I had to go to work for professional development.  I know in 3 weeks I will be going to back to work so I have to get used to what went on this morning anyways. In no way am I whining or complaining but just letting out some of the things I have been thinking about lately.

We made a decision 2 years ago about me working.  Of course Brendon wanted me to work full time but when we looked at everything, we could work out me working part time.  Last year I was able to job share a 4th grade position and this year I will be staying part time but will be job sharing a 1st grade position.

Lots of people asked me about working part time.  I explained to people there are lots of pros and cons.  For example pros- being home every afternoon with your child, cons- half of the paycheck you used to get.  I also feel that some people classify working part time as being lazy....which in no way shape or form is it.  You miss 1/2 a day of work and all that goes with it- meetings and all that goes with being a teacher.  It is hard to find the balance with work and raising a child.  I felt I was on a treadmill that was going really fast this year and I couldn't catch up.

I love teaching...really I do! I can say the first 8 years of teaching I was totally career oriented and focused- got my Master's Degree, taught staff development etc.etc. etc. But as soon as Olivia came along that all changed.  I have been struggling with finding that balance with work and family.  I want to do and be the best at my job but not at the sacrifice of my family.  My priorities have changed and life has just changed in general. 

After reading the paper on Sunday I felt better.  Everyone's definition of having it all is different.  These two quotes from the paper made things a bit more clear,

"Just how women combine work and family varies greatly. Some women decide to leave the workforce to be stay-at-home moms. Others switch to part-time employment.Some seize on the life change as an opportunity to try something new. Some hold on to their job and do their best to make it work."

and

"Meanwhile, Lisa Davis, who is 48, has her own version of “having it all.” It’s not about having everything, it’s about having what you hold most dear, she said.  It’s enjoying the little things, like when she recently went to work early so she could be back at home — and at the pool with her daughter, Maggie, by 4 p.m. It’s about not fretting about too little free time and enjoying a once-a-month scrapbooking session with a good friend. And it’s working hard but keeping a career in its place."

So on to this morning.  I had a professional development class today (and tomorrow too).  I got up and dressed and by that time Olivia was up.  Maybe she sensed that I was leaving but she was just a hot mess.  I second guessed myself as she was crying and crying and then I started crying because I was getting upset about going to work.  I thought about texting Malissa, who I was riding with, and tell her I wasn't going.  I pulled myself together while Brendon tried to manage Olivia's crying.  I thought to myself, if I can't do this now, how on Earth am I going to do this in a few weeks?!? At that moment Malissa pulled in the driveway and I did get into the car.  A little reluctant, but I got in...we talked on the way there about having the same feelings this morning and just how much we love our babies and did not like leaving them.  I felt better knowing she felt the same too.  As the day wore on I felt better but I couldn't wait to get home! Olivia must have missed me because she was her sweet, sweet self tonight!

There really is no right or wrong answer to having it all.  Having it all is defined by your own definition.  For me having it all doesn't mean having materialistic things anymore, for me it is simplicity and doing the best with what we have.  As Olivia helped me pick some tomatoes last night from the garden, I smiled at her and thought...this is what having it all is.  She stood so proud holding the container as I put the tomatoes in...the smile was priceless. I had the same moment tonight as she "helped" me unload the dishwasher and put some clothes in the dryer.  I say the best secret to having it all...is knowing that you already do!